** Editor’s Note: Leia has a bit of a potty mouth and an affinity for terms referring to excrement. We debated censoring her use of language, but opted instead to allow her to speak in her authentic voice, with a warning that it may not be suitable for all audiences. **
Hi, it’s me, Leia!
This past weekend the Old English Sheepdog Club of Southeastern Wisconsin held something called Sheepie Shenanigans. I was invited, and then disinvited, when it turned out that my ability to stay in one place for more than 1.3 seconds – but who’s counting? - was called into question.
I don’t understand why this was even a question. Mom knows I am categorically opposed to staying anywhere. You don’t put Baby in a Box. Or a Corner. Or any other place. And expect her to stay there, is my point.
So why was this stay thing such a big deal? Since I was not included (hmph!) I have to go with Aunt Luna’s reporting and, according to her, they offered Canine Good Citizen (CGC) testing.
At the basic level, I’m told, this is a ten-step basic good manners test certification program offered by the American Kennel Club (AKC). Part of the testing involves staying, and then coming when called. I do come when called. Unless there’s a really cute shaggy in the corner, I guess. But I’m told we are still working on “distance and duration” as it relates to staying. Whatever.
There’s also the small issue of walking around politely and ignoring distractions. Hello! What are distractions for? They exist so you have a perfectly good excuse to be distracted! I can’t put it any simpler than that. You don’t pay me enough to ignore the obvious.
Clearly an overachiever!
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. There’s also the small issue of sitting – or even standing - nicely when greeting a stranger. Who wrote this crap? Everyone knows that as an OES princess it is your royal duty to ensure all of your subjects feel properly appreciated and that the measure of this appreciation is butt wiggles and kisses.
Hi!
Oh, and speaking of boxes. (Remember? As in not putting me in one!) They also offered Trick Dog Testing. Where some dogs apparently sat in a box as one of their tricks. That might have been a risky choice for my brother – had he not also been disinvited for dancey feet syndrome – given his penchant for shredding boxes. Oh, wait – I’m told you can choose your tricks to a reasonable degree. I like that.
Remind me, please: Why am I sitting in a box?
Personally, I think I have enough of a repertoire to have sailed through the novice trick level – even without the five tricks waived if you’ve passed the CGC testing path - especially since cookies and toys are permitted. But Mom had her doubts as she’s pretty sure “escaping out of 48 inch ex-pens” and “stealing toilet paper rolls” are not the kind of tricks the AKC has in mind. Apparently this AKC person is as humorless and lacking in creativity as she is.
The event apparently also included a grooming demo. Grooming Old English is a complicated business – believe me, I know! It’s tedious, I tell you. Mom has groused about Sheepdogs needing more grooming equipment than she does.
So many implements, so little time…
All I can say is: More brushes! Brushes are tasty! Yum!
To chew, or not to chew?
THAT is the question.
I was wondering what, specifically, was covered during this demo. Let’s face it: any horror Mom watched can reasonably be expected to be perpetrated on yours truly. Happily, someone had the foresight to tape the event and add much of it to the Club’s Facebook page in video form. Against my better judgement, I’m sharing it with you. If nothing else, it will give you a heads up on what horrors await.
All I can say is Holy Sheepdog Shit! This is going to be bad. Real bad. Face trimming, foot trimming, pad trimming, butt trimming, endless, endless trimming, sprinkled with endless brushing. Who thought up these torture techniques and where are my brushes? I’m feeling weak and need a little sustenance…